Thursday 8 February 2018

try to hold on

all the photo here, the source is from :-
https://www.facebook.com/HappyCatsOnline/photos/rpp.1103037019737239/1562191787155091/?type=3&theater


I'll write in Malay today.

Tadi pagi aku membaca FB, tentang seorang economist yang bercerita tentang bonus Tabung Haji.

Entah macam mana, ada seorang Non-Muslim, an Indian guy, memberi komen yang kurang aku senang.

"Race and religion is one of many things manipulated in this capitalistic structure and society".

Membaca komen lanjut beliau, dia menganggap pelaburan Tabung Haji ni macam pelaburan duit yang guna agama.

Sebagai Non-Muslim di Malaysia, aku tak pasti samada dia tahu atau tidak apa tujuan Kerajaan buat Tabung Haji ni.

Ia bukan untuk pelaburan macam ASB. Dia nak membantu Muslim menyimpan duit untuk pergi Haji.

Ini lah masalah bila semua orang nak komen atas semua benda dalam social media.



Sebenarnya aku pun dulu bersalah dalam benda macam ini. 

Tapi mungkin selepas tahun lepas di mana aku banyak kali masuk ke hospital, aku tak tahu lah mengapa, aku mula rasa, those things in Internet are actually, things that doesn't matter much.

Those things, gossips and news, macam nak mencuri masa dan attention kau, supaya kau sedikit sebanyak melupakan kepayahan di dunia sebenar.

Tapi selalunya, yang aku lihat, social media ni kadang2, menambahkan lagi kepayahan, sekurang2nya menyesakkan minda kau dengan pendapat itu dan ini, by those FB literary greats.


Aku kongsi pengalaman aku berkenalan dengan watak2 famous di social media.

Yang kebanyakan kau sangka hebat dan cool itu, kadang2 duit nak makan pun tak ada. Ada yang tak ada rumah dan duduk di office, ada yang duit dalam bank hanya rm200-100 saja.

Dalam masa yang sama, ada banyak likes ramai followers.

Entah, aku sejak akhir2 ni merasakan, dunia social media ni, banyak "fakes". 

It is full of glitters yet it is mostly fakes.

Kadangkala, seseorang melakukan sesuatu untuk likes, atas logik mahu dihargai, tapi entah lah, aku seperti tak percaya tentang itu. Tapi kalau kau memilih untuk itu, silakan. Your choice.


Sebenarnya, aku dan kau, kita ni semua, are just those dying souls. 

Ya, kalau kau fikirkan, ia mungkin menakutkan, tapi factually, semua kita ini hidup menuju kematian. 

Dalam kehidupan masing2 yang mungkin bosan, sesak, mencekik, jadual hidup kau yang entah ke mana.

Aku masih ingat tika awal aku membuat blog ini, waktu itu, aku bekerja sebagai staff sub-con, dan naik motorsikal berulang alik 30km setiap hari dari rumah di Kajang ke site di Klang.

Ya gila, but then that's life.

Dan satu benda, aku tak tahu lah ini mungkin menjadi motivasi untuk orang lain atau apa, kehidupan itu agak mencekik, tapi aku rasa itu kehidupan yang "honest", jujur.


Sejak akhir2 ni, aku lebih gemar dengan FB page Happy Cats, daripada nak ambil tahu benda sekeliling yang aku rasa agak "menyesakkan".

Penat kerja.

Walau apa pun, teruskan hidup dan try to hold on.











Paperback scrawl your hidden poems
Written around the dried out flowers
Here we are, still trading places
Try to hold on

Friday 2 February 2018

paranoid android

Note : all photos here, the source is from http://www.lovemeow.com/orphaned-kitten-left-in-alley-finds-grandma-cat-to-love-in-these-beautiful-photos-2507537881.html


A friend of mine, a girl, was so stressful about the current issue in Malaysia, which is the suicide of Vasantha Priya, a 14 year old girl who hanged herself after a "dispute" over allegation from her teacher that she stole the teacher's Iphone.


Ok, the case is now under Police investigation. The teacher involved is now under Education Ministry supervision, and her fate will be decided after the investigation.

In summary, the issue is undergoing a process.

My question to that female friend, why you get so stress over this?


It's just like the case of that tahfiz fire who killed 23 students last year.

https://www.nst.com.my/news/nation/2017/09/280541/keramat-tahfiz-tragedy-teens-started-fire-cooking-gas-petrol-after

When it happened, most noises in the social media suddenly get emotionally heightened, blame "penunggang agama" / those who abuse religion for profit, blame tahfiz schools and imply that those tahfiz schools doesn't give much damn to the safety of students, only using religion to cash in as much as possible.

History of previous burning involving tahfiz schools, implying that the schools aren't safe.

In the end, the investigation proved it was an arson case.

And suddenly those who were emotionally heightened, became quiet. No more blaming.


I myself was also one of those social media bloody noises.

A fortnight ago, I was hell on Facebook making noises supporting #undirosak movement. Comments and noises.

Then the KLSCAH forum happened. And suddenly it made me to question things.

I asked the #undirosak fellas, why are you guys harping so much about Maryam Lee, and not Fahmi Reza?

I felt Fahmi Reza's case was more "oppressive" compared to verbal abuse to Maryam Lee.

The answer to my question, "why? Do you want to start donation for Fahmi Reza, is it?"

I kept quiet.

Then I was told "Relax mate, the case is still under undecided in Court. We see how to progress after the case is decided".


Look at the current news happening in Malaysia.

https://www.thestar.com.my/news/latest/?tag=Nation

- KUALA LUMPUR: A man has claimed trial to 200 counts of raping his then five-year-old niece, at a Sessions Court in Ampang here.

- PORT DICKSON: Police have obtained a seven-day remand order against a couple over the death of the man's nine-year-old daughter.

- KOTA KINABALU: A man who was seen in a viral video jumping on top of a car at a roundabout in Likas here is a drug addict with a criminal record.

- KOTA KINABALU: He had a promising future ahead of him, but the 18-year-old Filipino has probably blown it for supporting Abu Sayyaf.

- KOTA KINABALU: Two more state government engineers with the Sabah Railway Department have been arrested, bringing to seven the number of people detained in a graft probe on suspected fictitious projects and claims.

- SUNGAI PETANI: The man who was caught on video fondling a young girl under her dress at a funfair and trying to kiss her pleaded guilty at the Sessions Court.

- PETALING JAYA: Teachers have been reminded to adhere to the standard operating procedure (SOP) when dealing with cases of theft following the death of a 14-year-old Penang schoolgirl who attempted suicide after being accused of stealing her teacher’s handphone.

Ok. The world is shit. We all take note of the news above.

But must you spoil your mood and stress yourself over those news?

Do all those news, demands your explaination and review in Facebook, and you feel like a Social Justice Warrior over an injustice world, and made you stressful after that?

Then, comments and reviews in your FB comment section, replying each other, sometimes shooting each other back, heightened emotions, and made you more stressful.

In the end, like the Fahmi Reza case, or the Tahfiz case, we still rely on the mechanism in our society, ie. police, Courts, even though most of us in Malaysia, mistrust the Government, or what you might term as the System.

It's ok and your democratic right to make noise, but I'm just concerned over your stress.


A heart that's full up like a landfill 
A job that slowly kills you 
Bruises that won't heal 

You look so tired and unhappy 
Bring down the government 
They don't, they don't speak for us 

I'll take a quiet life 
A handshake of carbon monoxide 

No alarms and no surprises, please
Silent, silent 

This is my final fit, 
my final bellyache with 

No alarms and no surprises please 

Such a pretty house, 
such a pretty garden 

No alarms and no surprises please

Friday 19 January 2018

affixed by disconcern

Source of the next 13 photos:
















And the source of the below photo is my wife.
my niece, Chayra, 19 Jan 2018

Today, Chayra is sick with diarrhea. She's tired but she want to play, but she was tired and is tired.

Me too.

I told myself, there's no need to update the blog, to bla bla so much in the social media, but I'm just like Chayra.

I'm tired but I want to play, but I was tired and am tired now.

Too many things in the social media, from Undirosak movement,
an Indian kid who got killed at a low cost flat just because some dickhead threw a chair from above,
a non Muslim who debated Islamic stuff with a Muslim in FB,
the news and the feeds,
the noises,
and all the other noises, 
whether white noises, background noises, screams, whispers, propaganda, talks.....it's just that everyone want to speak, because they think, to validate their existence, to validate their thoughts.


I'm like Chayra, I'm tired but I wanted to make pretty speeches in the social media.

Instead, I felt numb and dumb.

Actually over this week, I've written few things, about my argument with my wife, some things about friends, people in the social media, 3-4 writings at my PC,

but then at this moment, I'm just overwhelmed by a mega magnitude of disconcern.

So here it is. A blog entry with the spirit of art collage.

Since I've wasted your time reading this, I guess it's pretty good to actually give you back something worthwhile. So here it is. Go and download it

Jacques Derrida
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1rTygSTDYWaMze07lnUeWveaBOGF-ooeS


Albert Camus


Soren Kierkegaard
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1lE01s40_t_vIC1j7LBlhyOILHdE5nom_


Immanuel Kant
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vsLe2y8SphjUbCrIePvl4nvGmJNpQk88


Martin Heidegger
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1yVrnIeIo-t85XP9FRrqqIQIWdPZBra7a


Jean Paul-Sartre
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1R-YnBwWuMVkb4H1VxM66ek41TmbwVQ6D


Friedrich Nietzsche
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1PpQtwG8wimUe66BbPaunjsHLWI7c5b1y


Ludwig Wittgenstein
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1uohxCiEgCprdpOwmgXgDQazj22YxuFJY


Baruch Spinoza
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1n4I96Dc9_WVjSc0cp201fzc92RbomfNZ


Arthur Schopenhauer
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ApbLcZVBS4yzKo_vu15efK2cTIO4YWhQ


Rene Descartes
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1PwqN1D--ORML1yH6tQm2ankX_XbhxLrV


Noam Chomsky
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Pjhz5UGdn2sZa97UQBuxz5NlLkavaOtz


Hannah Arendt
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1BILq40Y8RnICfoRQB7oMv0_ernGBJgxT


Syed Naquib al-Attas
https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B30M7T4ZbrJaQVhVd0RIYTJhUTA


Karl Marx
https://drive.google.com/open?id=12ZKMVpYkywQ20THvSK2iCluG9xt66dQx


Syed Hussein Alatas
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1097_I5VEqnzSUdJt1pVQ54JY8r-SH2et


Rabindranath Tagore
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1YqDQzpiLzI803nz6eNzpDIsQ7UTkJx5g


Confucius
https://drive.google.com/open?id=10FRUpzPMgsllidHXgjLNs8qTdLjUZTNM


Leo Tolstoy
https://drive.google.com/open?id=13wIZtsDdWjBFA5YtEE1rD0QEsWqRH1gr

Saturday 6 January 2018

poor mentality

Next week I will start back working full time, so I'll just update an entry here before I get busy.

from http://celtis-art.tumblr.com/post/153090939038/chuwenjie-its-been-an-emotional-week-i-wanted



As there are people out side Malaysia reading this, I had to explain a bit as simple as possible in my story.

Well in Malaysia, there are many races, and 3 predominant race here are Malays (the native, although technically this fact can be debated), Chinese and Indians.

Cultural assimilations happens, but no matter how you understand and tolerate each other,
you can't really change the color of your skin.
(I used the phrases "cant really change" because there are people who did plastic surgery to make themselves "white", yet they are still perceived as their original race)

 It is an open secret among us Malaysians, that there is a "divide", that still exist, you can say it due to income inequality and whatever reasons out there.

There is still stigma that Malays are lazy, Chinese are greedy, Indians are drunken people,
and other stigma,
that Malaysian use to "shoot" each other whenever some shit occurs.

Yet, when Nicol David became World Champion in squash from 2005 to 2012,
nobody in Malaysia question her race.
Because she was successful, everybody want to identify with her,
hence people called her as Malaysian.

So do Tony Fernandes (Air Asia boss) and Lee Chong Wei.

So my idea here,
don't get butthurt if you're a victim of racism.

For me, those who have this racist mindset, usually, have poor mentality in their mind.

Get successful and nobody will bother about your race.


Playlist I'm listening today.


  1. 1- Home Alone (00:00)
  2. 2- Chevalier Bulltoe (01:35)
  3. 3- Tonton Alain Michel (05:07)
  4. 4- Festivalbini (10:24)
  5. 5- Motte-Rock (13:38)
  6. 6- Osao San (17:39)
  7. 7- Eric Colson (22:10)
  8. 8- Tigers & Gorillas (28:29)






0:00 Brocolissimo 1:36 Yaaaago 5:03 Trop fort Jéjé 8:13 Saveur cheveux 11:48 Beverly Pills 17:19 Ouad & Khaled 19:22 Tomate polisson 23:15 100% repos 31:26 Clara mystère 36:53 Gérard Blast 41:39 Come to Mexico



from http://qsy-complains-a-lot.tumblr.com/post/169259662969/a-few-panels-from-tardis-work-on-ww1-translated







Friday 5 January 2018

Life is but postponement of defeats


Someone I knew is in a predicament, which I could not do much help.

I knew he wanted to vent out his frustration, but I kinda cut the conversation, and just told him my idea how to solve it, and not to think so much about being failures and those negative thoughts, because I don’t want him to turn up depressed.

When a few people, close and personal to me, died, passed away throughout my life,

after the prayers, the Fatihah, Yasin and tahlil.

I will pickup my acoustic guitar (gitar kapok) and play this Carcass - Polarised endlessly in repetition, to cope with the loss.

In this video, the minute 1:56 above is the beauty of this song. Actually I could not play that part as perfect as this fella, I improvised a bit to get the sound closest to it.

The feeling is what Chairil Ahmad said “Life is but postponement of defeats.”

.And after that, you got to rise and continue on with your life.


This too deals with the same theme of feeling "hollow".

Wednesday 3 January 2018

1st, 2nd and 3rd of January 2018

A. January 1st




I cooked this, as I've promised my wife during an argument previously. (Men always promise things just to stop arguing with the wife)

It was:-
1. Pumpkin cooked in chillied coconut milk gravy.
2. Chillied cooked anchovies
3. Fried Winged bean cooked in chillied soy sauce.
4.  Egg fried with tomato.
5.  Fried dried fish.


B. Indie Writer

I wrote in previous post that I argued with a prominent indie writer in FB.

I felt that if I'm a gentleman, after arguing stupidly with someone, that I should meet him face to face over a cup of tea.

So I went to his office, met him then sat over cups of tea and drinks, food.
From 5.00pm to 4.00am of the next day. 11 hours session of talking listening, pausing a while thinking of something to talk, and repeating the cycle.

But I won't tell anyone what we talked and discussed.

Recently at TV2, they were playing advertisement of the movie The Bucket List to broadcasted sometime this week.

For me the dialogue in the advert interest me the most as it kept me thinking.

(I copied this from www.imdb.com)

Carter Chambers: What are you so afraid of?

Edward Cole: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it!

Carter Chambers: Oh, like the lady in the bar?

Edward Cole: That's different.

Carter Chambers: Tell me how it's different.

Edward Cole: I build a billion dollar business up from NOTHING! Presidents have asked my advice, I have dined with royalty, and i'm supposed to make out like what? This trip was supposed to MEAN something to me? Like it was gonna change ME? How did you see it playing out Carter, I knock on the door, she answers, she's surprised and angry, but I tell her how much I love her and miss her, and OH, by the way, I'm gonna be dead soon so I'm reaching out to you because I don't wanna die alone?

Carter Chambers: Everyone's afraid to die alone.

Edward Cole: I'm not everyone! This was supposed to be fun. That's all it ever was.

Just because someone told you a story, and somehow even if it's personal, does not give you the right to be a part of it.

That idea blew me inside out.

Anyhow, if I told everyone about it, it'll be a story from me, as if I'm part of it, that is something that I felt phoney.

So it'll remain between the two of us.


C. Making Up with Wife : How Tenaga Nasional Berhad helped



Anybody's wife will be crazy if her husband only turns up at the house at 5.00am in the morning.

I tried to be as silent as possible, with the lowest decibel (dB).

But when I opened the door and stepped inside,

my wife was wide awake, watching "Pak Kaduk 3" at TV2 RTM channel.

She had the most serious look I ever witnessed. Oh shit.

But she was silent. She didn't spoke a word.\

Actually, as a guy, that is a bit relief and a bit of worry as well.

The relief part was the silence, you escaped the "membebel" / babbling / arguing bla bla because it'll drained you mentally.
Listening to a "ceramah" at 5.00am in the morning?

So that was the relief.

The worry part is the silence also means you don't know what will happen next.

I said the sweet words, no reply.

I guessed, the Pak Kaduk 3 story was boring like shit, she got up, she went into the bedroom and locked it from inside.

I understand my punishment then. I had to sleep at the living room.


Then I woke up around 9.00am feeling hot as hell.

I got up and went to the front door to switch on the lights and the fan.

Then I realised, the bedroom's door is open!

Oh Graceful God, I give much thanks to Thee!

I walked coyly to the bedroom, and my wife was just coming out from the bathroom.

As I tried to hug her, she screamed,

"Eh rimas lah, rumah dah lah tengah takde elektrik ni, panas, eh siap siap lah kita keluar breakfast lepas tu lepak mana mana, kat shopping mall ke"

She opened the door because it was hot, and that was because there was disruption of electrical supply from the power provider Tenaga Nasional Berhad.

We spent the afternoon at an air-conditioned shopping mall nearby, and this late afternoon at an air-conditioned cybercafe where I wrote this while she played Tennis Titans.

Monday 1 January 2018

welcome 2018






Binatang ni nama dia Stoat. Kau boleh wiki pasal binatang comel ni.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoat

Sejenis weasel yang tak hidup di Malaysia ni. gambar dia ada sini pasal dia comel.

Hampir setiap orang yang aku jumpa tadi pada 1 Januari 2018, dari gadis stesen minyak, brader 7-e dan lain2, aku wish selamat tahun baru. Takdak niat apa, orang yang kerja retail, kau wish dia tiba2, selalunya dia rasa a bit warm dan terima kasih.

Aku doakan semua korang yang membaca ni, , akan kesejahteraan dan kesihatan semua. Semoga semua damai2 saja.

Gambar comel ni nak bagi feeling warm untuk semua time2 ni, where most of you guys tengah holiday.

Lagu 17 minit. Orang dulu2 suka buat lagu panjang2 macam ni.

Ok sekian and gtg (got to go, wah lama gila tak guna term gtg)

Aku dah janji dengan wife aku, yang aku nak masak lemak labu hari ni.
Aku kat cybercafe up2 entry ni, wish2 orang di FB lepas balik dari pasar haha.

Dah aku nak balik memasak.