Don't recite poetry to swordsman

This writing is very personal in nature, yet I write it down because it has this fundamental concept I want to remember in my life.

I'm feeling like a sucker right now. I'm 31, yet I achieved less in life compared to my friends, colleagues. And the reason is because I didn;t follow this simple fact in life.

"Don't recite poetry to swordsman"

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As I wrote in my previous post, I just registered in Facebook earlier this June 2013, due to insistence from closed friends, so that we could keep in touch.

I'm so happy to contact my old friends.

There's one guy, a closed buddy whom I haven't met for few years, and I only heard about him from friends.

This guy had an impact towards my life, he introduced me to Radiohead, Pink Floyd and a lots of bands/albums, and also books.

The fact is what we shared is what shaped my thinking/ideology in life.

Unfortunately, we didn;t share a common path in life, he didn't completed his studies in UM, he went to another university to complete his degree.

After I came back from Dubai for a short period, in 2008  I met with him, and that time,  went to his house, play internet, watch soccer together.  we went to Ipoh one time to see my project manager. I believe that trip was a mistake, as soon as we're back from the trip, I basically left him and went back to Dubai.

After that, I emailed him and he never answers. I sent songs, sent hello messages, but he never answers.

And yet from what I knew from closed friends, he knew my whereabouts, he knew I was working in Bintulu 2009 and when I went to Bangladesh during 2010-2012.

I emailed him and he never answers. I sent songs, sent hello messages, but he never answers.

And when I made my Facebook account, he was the first fella I searched in the Facebook network.

From his postings, it seems to me that he still the friend I knew back then.

And so I sent a message to him, with a mp3 clip of Morrisey's "Jack The Ripper". He didn't reply although he approved my friend request.

I made a couple of joke posting in the Facebook, and a lot of my UM friends commented, he also joined the fray. But still we never spoke directly to each other.

And so today, I posted a few heavy metal clip, with one posting dedicated to this guy.

His reply surprises me.

He basically commented on the clip,  that everybody changes, only God doesn't change, then a clip of Tasawuf article.

Then I understood. I understood exactly what happened through the moments of silence.

This guy basically wanted to change to become better. He did graduated at his degree at a different university. He wanted to change to become a better person, in mentality and also religiously.

But then, I represented what he wanted to forget. Those punk songs, those excitement of extreme music. He wanted to forget those, maybe because those were the things associted with his failing.

It's not even wrong, really.

It just that our life once criss-cross each other, and we enjoyed our time at the crosses. But he wanted to move on towards his straight line. And none of my agenda, thinking, music will fit his future plans, it seems.

Since we are both males and adults, I guess it's stupid to be melancholic about it.

And so I deleted the clip I dedicated to him (a punk song that he introduced me anyway), and proceed to unfriend him.

I might be foolish to unfriend him, but it just serves as a mind-reinforcement to me of this hard truth in life.

Don't recite poetry to swordsman, don't sing songs sprinkled with emotions to those who are deaf, and don't make a huge effort to win those who didn't care.

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This episodes happen lots of time in my life, and yet it's my stupidity of letting it happen all over again.

Those who matter won't mind, those who mind won't matter - Bernard Baruch

When I registered the Facebook, you will find it much ease to re-contact your friends no matter how, it follows the Bernard Baruch principle I stated above.

If it doesn't come with ease, something is wrong.

When I got posted to the job in Bintulu back in 2009, I wanted to meet one guy who is an ex-classmate, and happens to be with my group of friends.

He's working as a lecturer in our faculty, in the same department we undertake our studies. This guy is a 3.0 pointer guy, very very hardworking that you just know that this fella will somehow become a lecturer.

So before I had to fly to Bintulu on that Saturday, I made a trip to UM just to see this fella.

Twice, Thursday and Friday.

Thursday, I went to the Department office, chatted with all the lecturers and staffs who knew me as a former student. I told them I just wanted to see this fella for few minutes because it was so long that I have not seen this fella.

They told me he's busy, and so I waited at the Engineering Faculty 4th floor canteen.

I basically waited from morning, afternoon, and until 6 o'clock evening at that canteen, and lucky for me, I brought along books to keep me accompanied.

At 6 o'clock I called this fella, he basically told me he already on his way home. he told me the next day he will be free.

Now I had to go back to Kajang, and rode my motorcycle back to UM the next day which is stupid and tiring.

But I did it.

I waited the next Friday, but then I walk along the faculty, waiting this fella call.

I don't need an hour of your time, just a minute or two is sufficient.

After Friday prayer, I went to the office.

He was somewhere in the vicinity I was told.

By 3 pm, common sense knocked into my head and so I went back to Kajang, to pack my stuff as my flight to Bintulu is on the next day.

I didn't curse him. I curse myself for being a pathetic asshole.

It was early 2012, when I went again to UM for tea with my friends at 6th college food stall. This time I came in a car with my friend. My friend drove us there.

And so the meeting got a little bit late, and both of us went to a surau at the Engineering Faculty.

After prayer, my friend continued with his sunat prayer. I waited outside smoking.

At it was this time, this lecturer of mine suddenly showed up there, for isya' prayer.

After all this years of trying to get to see him, and now I actually saw this guy effortlessly.

We chatted a while, then he went inside for his prayer.

I didn't knew why, but I just went to the car and waited beside the car while waiting for the my friend who still in the surau.

I remembered this fact.  Friends usually comes to you effortlessly.

Those whom you had to put a little too much effort, usually doesn't worth it.

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When reading this, you probably advised me that in order to find peace, do it because of God then it will be fine.

I found that it'll be fine if it turns out fine.

What happened if the thing doesn't turn out fine?

I found myself alone.

And so I try to be as much as practical always. I know my weakness, so it's better to suit things to put yourself at an advantage rather than having to persevere in weakness while reminding yourself of God.

Not many can persevere in weakness and yet can still be positive about God or life.

But many people can be thankful to God and be positive of life when things turn out right.

So statistically, why put yourself in the very few when it's easier to try change life to a better level so you can be thankful.

But then, maybe you're right, it's best to do it because in long term, you can have mental toughness.

The mental toughness that is usedful in army life, like those Navy SEALS, which is also suited the construction engineering industry.

But from what I see, most successful people I met, they try to put their self at advantage.

You persevere when things cannot be helped, you just believe that by time things will turn out right.

But patience is needed to wait for the tide to subside.

And so what I learned is, while waiting in patience, try to do other things.  Keep praying while doing nothing is not advantageous.

 Those whom you had to put a little too much effort, usually doesn't worth it. Better look for those who worth it.

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The reason I failed with relationship with the opposite sex  is because of the "dont recite poetry to swordsman" thinking.

I reflected back all those time, yes, those effort are made to whom ain't worth it.

And so I pray to God, don't let me be so stupid again.

Don't recite poetry to swordsman, don't sing songs sprinkled with emotions to those who are deaf, and don't make a huge effort to win those who didn't care.

Those whom you had to put a little too much effort, usually doesn't worth it.