Saturday, 14 October 2017

few lesson I learnt from 8th to 13th Oct 2017

Uberfall Hochkirch 
 Hyacinthe de La Pegna - 1760
Source : Wikipedia

There was this engineering project that I got involved for a couple of years, and somehow I resigned from that project almost a year ago.

Back then there was a new batch of staff coming in, and the new senior guy decided that I was not a competent person for the project. And so he told the main con, the client, the consultant, everybody, including myself on quite a daily basis, before he told my boss about the incompetence after I resigned.

I was pissed, but then, life has to go on, and since he's more experienced, and when the company already decided to play the dice on his part, you know you are somehow "not needed" and it's best that if you go gently and quietly so that the new team can move on progressively without hindrance.

In life, at my age, you don't linger on with sadness and melancholics. You just move on.

Adolph Menzel - 1856
Source : Wikipedia

When I was un-employed back then, I did few things and started some ventures.

There was this dearest friend back from my university days, somehow contacted me for a chat over a cup of tea.

When I told him, I was un-employed, (I didn't told him about the ventures, the business and CAD drafting works), suddenly he became a bit critical, and sometime after that, he went "invisible".

I knew he was online, because the things that he "likes" keep appearing on my FB timeline, but whatever I "hi!" or "hello", it turned into un-answered echoes.

Carl Rochling - 1900
Source : Wikipedia

Surprisingly, last week, I received a call from someone, from the previous project, for a chat over a cup of tea.

As I had bad experiences from previous chats over a cup of tea, I decided to cut straight into the points. No running around the bushes.

I just told him I was busy, and just state what he wants to know, and see if I can help.

He asked me "what is the actual pipe level installed at this bla bla area at this ___ level?"

I could just answered I don't know. That wouldn't be wrong, as I had resigned for almost a year from that project.

I asked him what pipe, and for which mechanical services. You don't simply ask a general question and expects people to give a direct correct answer. Or maybe he ask a general one first to see if I'm interested for the conversation or not,  whether it's worth buying cups of tea for this chat.

He then told me the pipe.

During the early phase of construction, mechanical installers usually installed this sleeves during the formwork phase.

Looking at this photo,

So sometimes this sleeves is installed, so that later these can be used either for the same size or smaller sizes pipe to run. And I kept the record of each, and I remembered it, simply because,

during the early phase of the project, when there weren't many staff and workers, I myself installed those sleeves, while the Bangladeshis formwork workers looked as they had to install additional rebars around the sleeves.

So I told that guy of the value to "what is the actual pipe level installed at this bla bla area at this ___ level?"

Somehow the conversation then got long and boring, and I do have my own things to tend with.

So along the line, I just told the best answer. "Sorry I don't know".

Not to criticize, but, in practice, a competent senior, should do a thorough paperwork and recording of documents. Otherwise, it will haunt everyone when problems arise later.

So taking these stories, plus the arrest of Zamihan and death of Kassim Ahmad,

Lesson 1 : Sardine tin-cans

We are all sardine tin-cans in a way. We have labels, or have labels forced upon us, but inside all of us are just all red.

People can just label you of they dislike you. And people got into shit after too much labelling others.

Based on the labelling, some sardine tin can got dented and thrown away.

We just live in the world of sardine tin can labels.

Lesson 2 : People from the past

People from the past, your dearest friends, schoolmates, university friends, colleagues, everybody changes.

Everybody changes with time.

The thing is, some of your dearest clumsy friends, might now hold senior important positions, or might have "jump over" the "social status". 

At the present moment, with their important present people, present aura, power, position, you can't help but maybe just became a pure embarrassment to them.

So, just let go.

 I have my own loved and important ones at the moment, treasure them. There's no need to cry melancholic shit over those who no longer treat you the same. 

In summary, you got your own life, they got theirs, so live it.

Lesson 3 : Silence might be the best mercy, given onto you.

Previously, when somebody died, people will just give respect.

Nowadays, it can't be helped, that when someone died, people might just be "cynical" about it.

And so, even dead ones, can't escape from shitty criticism and bad mouthing, or as Lesson 1 says, sardine tin can labelling.

Hence I think, if you're forgotten or not needed or heeded, when people doesn't care much, actually then there's no ill speak to you, and it might be that blissful mercy blessed upon you.

You don't have to feel ill over those ill words. Just find peace with your loved ones and God.

Poppy fields

Anyhow I go for an upbeat song, about people, life and labelling haha.
Just that sometimes people who resort to labelling are like the kinds of girls, sung in this song.

Street's like a jungle
So call the police
Following the herd
Down to Greece
On holiday
Love in the nineties
Is paranoid
On sunny beaches
Take your chances
Looking for

Chorus /:
Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

Avoiding all work
Because there's none available
Like battery thinkers
Count your thoughts
On one-two-three-four-five fingers
Nothing is wasted
Only reproduced
You get nasty blisters
Du bist sehr schan
But we haven't been introduced

Monday, 9 October 2017

some belief in cari makan

Note : Cari makan is Malay for earning a living

I write this, not only because of the "fake dentist" issue, but also reminiscing on some life events.

On 2009, when I came back after working in Dubai for several years, ending up un-employed in Malaysia for few months, oh of course I could not forget what critical words was spoken to me by those people I thought dearest.

"Kau pergi Dubai masa kau belum matang lagi, tu la pasal" (You went there because you were still immature, that's why).

Years later, when I have worked few years in construction in Malaysia, there was this girl whom I liked, and somehow our family knew of each other.

So sometimes, that girl and I Whatsapp on personal matters, and sometimes I showed her my "working place", the construction areas and all.

Her father gave the best appreciative remark that made me realised this relation will not work well.

"Pakcik tengok kau ni pandai tapi bodoh, anak saudara pakcik pun kerja engineer kat kilang, ok je duduk dalam aircond buat kerja, kau ni macam Bangla kerja je pakcik tengok".

In summary, I just translate that her father thinks I works like those Bangladeshis when I can earn a good living working in air-conditioned office.

I find peace in all these critical genius comments, after a belief I found in three books.

Adam Smith - Wealth Of Nations.
Imam Ghazali - Ihya Ulumiddin
Thoreau - Walden.

Adam Smith says in the Chapter Ten  : Of Wages and Profit in the Different Employments of Labour and Stock

Fourthly, The wages of labour vary according to the small or great trust which must be reposed in the workmen.

The wages of goldsmiths and jewellers are every-where superior to those of many other workmen, not only of equal, but of much superior ingenuity; on account of the precious materials with which they are intrusted.

We trust our health to the physician; our fortune and sometimes our life and reputation to the lawyer and attorney. Such confidence could not safely be reposed in people of a very mean or low condition. Their reward must be such, therefore, as may give them that rank in the society which so important a trust requires. The long time and the great expence which must be laid out in their education, when combined with this circumstance, necessarily enhance still further the price of their labour."

Imam Ghazali discusses occupation and economic in the Chapter of Ter-celanya Dunia, but if you read through, the concept is not discussed in Islamic religionistic way, but more logical approach, which he discussed the needs of man, why man need to socialise and to be govern, all in all this is done by the demands of economic necessity.

Imam Ghazali's approach in Ihya, for me it's quite the same theme as Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations logic and methodic approach. Only after discussing thoroughly this, that Imam Ghazali asks the students to know the reasons why, and hence not to be to absorbed with the worldly matters.

Thoreau in Walden, also resonates the same theme.

Go read it. Don't ask and debate if you didn't because it\ll be a waste of time.

In summary, I believe, free your mind from comparing with others about success. 

Success is objective.

Man, as age and time flows by, is somehow limited, whether in strength, genius, time, effort, opportunity. etc.

So one does best by what he have rather than what he insist.

Sunday, 8 October 2017

reminiscence and competitions

1.Too much Information - 00:00 
2.Ordinary World - 4:59 

6.Come Undone - 21:56 
7.Breath after Breath - 26:37 

 9.Femme Fatale - 37:13 

 11.Shelter - 46:58 

 13.Sin of the City - 55:50 

 17.Come Undone" (12" mix - Comin' Together) - 1:16:35 
 18.Ordinary World" (acoustic version) - 1:24:00 
19.Too Much Information" (David Richards 12" mix) - 1:29:11

(Note : I only highlighted my favourite tracks from this album)

A. Men are born to compete

Last week, I had this feverish cold for few days. And honestly, I missed my intake of medication for hypertension and diabetes, as I just started working at a new company.

Last Friday, asthma attack, and out of a sudden, I coughed heavily and vomitted green coloured phlegms. I guess my new boss was so disgusted looking at it, that he asked me to excuse myself from work and get proper treatment.

Went back quite late as I was resting at some place before I arrived at my house, hence wife is already at home back from work. We directly went to Hospital Sungai Buloh.

As for always, since there's quite many experience going to hospital, whether private or Government run hospital, there will always be sometime that you will have to wait. A long wait.

Based on this knowledge, I will usually bring along books, the thick-kind of book, sometimes I bring one of the "jilid" of the 7 "jilid" of Ihya Ulumiddin. (Religion book is a common thing to be read when you are sick, as you are at this stage, very honest and very dependent on God).

Not that day, I brought along a book on German Renaissance.

Arrived at the asthma room at the hospital,. the Medic Officer checked the pulse and blood pressure reading before starting the nebulizer treatment. 

As I opened my thick book to start reading, I was surprised when the Medic Officer arrived on a second time, with a wheelchair.

Shit, my blood pressure reading was 165/112. At any time, there's this risk of Stroke or TIA due to that high reading.

I was brought to a Yellow Zone at Emergency Ward of Hospital Sungai Buloh. For a second time, this year, what an achievement.

I was strategically located besides high blood pressure reading patients. A very friendly talkative 30-40 year old Malay "abang" and beside him, an old Indian man.

I saw them very talkative, and quite jovial too. They asked questions to me, which I replied with short messages. I wasn't feeling very well for this kind of "forum". I'm not breathing well, some more to reply to long talks about sickness, hospitals.

The "abang" told me I shouldn't worry, because his blood pressure is 200 something that time. He was quite proud when he told me, on a normal day, he could easily get MC from any doctor.

He seems so proud of his achievements that I had to give a proper head nodding movement, minimumly, to indicate my respect of his "achievements".

The Indian man told me of his heart condition, his previous history of heart.

Hence, I realised, this forum is a competition of "he is macho is the the one who is the sickest yet the presevered of them all". 

Thank god, my asthma condition doesn't permit me to join the forum. The doctor and the Medic officer then proceed to give asthma nebuliser, while monitoring the blood pressure. 

So with that oxygen mask in my face. I read about the rise of Albert Krupp steel business, supplying cannons to Otto Von Bismarck's war to unite Prussia, all while my fellow bedmates continuing their forum of history lesson of blood pressure and sickness.

The malay "abang" then asked the nurse to go to toilet. Somehow they let him go, and after 20 minutes, a commotion among the nurse and the doctor happens, on why the "abang" disappears.

The Public Announcement speaker in the hospital started mentioning the Malay abang to come back to his bed.

The Malay abang smells of cigarrete when he came back.

I was in the Yellow zone for 2 hours plus some minutes. with two nebulizing session, with my blood pressure around 140/90 range.

One personal lesson, is, don't cheat to your doctor. I just told truthfully, that my medication is 8mg of Covapril daily, 1000mg of metformin twice, daily and 80mg of glicazide daily. And I might have skipped taking it because I was not disciplined in my diet.

Because, nationwide, my hospital record is there, the doctor knows what medication they gave and whether I followed it. Thank god, when the doctor checked my sugar reading, it was 9. hence the doctor believed that I can learn to take this medication thing more seriously.

So I was let go early.

The Indian guy couldn't believe that I was let go early, he shouted "ma-ci-bai" (profanities in Cantonese) then started criticising hospitals generally.

He must've felt that it is not fair. The thing is, I believe, it is not a sport or a competition that it has to be fair in the first place.

B. Compete and compete, so that you not end up a loser

The news of that fake "doctor-dentist" who was bailed-up at RM70k by some MGO must have appalled Malaysians.

and her reply pissed many people off.

Somehow, the story is now being turned into a Robin Hood kind of theme.

The lady, poor family, had to become breadwinner,  had to do something, but then people conspired against her, and now when she is bailed, it is a win. the conspirator lose.

So what is right and wrong, can somehow be portrayed as a competition of an underdog going against companies or establishments.

Put religion and some under-dog theme and anything can happen.

That's why there are flat-earthers in Malaysia. Deep inside, the fuel was belief and competition.

The answer to this all can be found in this video Psychology: Defense Mechanisms & Rationalization: "Facing Reality" 1954

Note Update 8 October 2017 :
In a recent video, I understood that the 70k money was from a motorcyclist gang called Dragon76.
Somehow they sympathise with her"fake dentist" father, and did fund collection for her father. Her father was personal friends with these guys.
The money was not from PPIM.

Only that, they didn't expect the girl to come out with that video, and for PPIM to come out with a statement.

C. Reminiscence

So yesterday and today, the fever was still there. So I remembered some nice warm memories in my life, to try make things more positive.

And I remembered Duran Duran Wedding Album, released in 1993.

I was 11 years old. Back then, my mom had this credit card difficulties, that she had to use big portion of her salary to pay off the cards.

So, in order to support the family and cover the loss income, my father, who was a general clerk at UM then, had to do a part time job at night working at a petrol station.

The time was quite tense, as my father felt tired and pressured. Mom was feeling guilty and everyone doesn't feel nice when we're together.

So each people in the family treasure their personal time. For Mom, she usually rent Hindustan videos and watch it after dinner by herself until it was sleeping time. 

Me, I was into listening to music in the radio, and I was find by this Ordinary World song by Duran Duran. One day, I recorded this on a casette tape when the song was played on radio.

I played this on my mom's car-radio everytime she sent me to school around 6.30am.

Sometime later, she bought me a Walkman with this Duran Duran Wedding Album.
Surprisingly, the album released in Malaysia, doesn't have this acoustic track, nevertheless, being 11 years old, I was into the record.

I was lucky when I got good result, and I got into the special class in Standard 6. My mom then never hesitates buying whatever record I wanted since.

I don't know, sometimes, I tend to block people or personal problems and just listens to songs. 
Maybe it is my defense mechanism after all.